Monday, May 10, 2004

butt candles

I didn't get enough complaints about the crunchy underwear posting, so I'm going to raise the poor taste up a notch. For context, you have to know what ear cones are. They are candles that you put in your ear and light. Supposedly the candle creates a vacuum that cleans the wax out of your ears and makes you smarter, happier, and a better person all at the same time. This article by Michael Shermer debunks them. He also mentions the butt candles web site. Some highlights:
Q: Is the ButtCandle really a candle?
A: Yes, but not necessarily what you might picture as your dining room table variety of candle. In length and diameter, it's similiar to common candles. However, a hollow channel is cut from bottom to top which causes air to be drawn from the base to the top. In practice, this creates a vacuum at the base which, when inserted in the rectum, gently dislodges intestinal and rectal blockage.
Q: My spouse has a hairy backside, will this interfere with the process?
A: It depends on just how hairy this backside is. An average amount of hair in this area presents no real problem. If you're still concerned, however, you can use a plant mister to moisten the area beforehand.
Q: Is the ButtCandle approved by the FDA?
A: No.
Here is a modification I would make to their FAQ though:
Q: Is the procedure uncomfortable?
A: Surprisingly, the answer is Yes. However, it can be far less uncomfortable than the competing methods.
My answer is lots funnier than theirs.

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