Friday, July 23, 2004

counting the cost

Well, it's over. My much older sister was in town for a week on business. Thankfully she's gone. Don't get me wrong, I love my elderly sibling and I had a great time visiting with her.

But.

But, she's trouble. I'm sorry to have to say it, but there it is.

First of all we went to nice restaurants every night (you have to do that when you are visiting San Francisco). To make matters worse, I didn't have time to work out with all the time I was spending with her. So in those eight days, I probably gained eight pounds.

I also drank more alcohol in those eight days than I did in the previous eight months. I don't drink much. It's not worth the acid reflux penalty. But the sister had to have wine with every meal. And a couple of nights we went out for drinks. And, we went on a wine-tasting expedition to Napa Valley. I was eating acid blockers like candy.

She made me get a haircut. Now, OK, I needed a haircut. I have this thing about people waving scissors around in the vicinity of my face so I get infrequent haircuts. I like to make it a semi-annual event and I was overdue even on my extended schedule. The haircutter cut the front too short so I can't get it to lay down. I'm not sure how this is my sister's fault, but I'm blaming her anyway.

We spent a whole Sunday afternoon outdoors at Pier 39. Sunburned my forehead and bleached my hair to a light blonde. With my hair sticking up, I looked like a blonde carrot. A fat, drunk, blonde carrot.

And it didn't get more attractive when I started peeling.

So goodbye, Sis. I'll miss you. But next time can we just stay in and play Scrabble or something?

UPDATE: the elderly sibling resonds:
First of all, I am not your "much" older sister. I don't think anyone would agree that 16 months qualifies as much older!!! Second of all, your hair was not cut too short in front. It looked great!!! Third, I like your hair with more blonde in it. Fourth, you had a wonderful time so admit it!!! Sometimes we have to take a little time off from our ordinary lives and live a little. Face it my dear brother, you were in a rut and my visit freed you from the rut for a very short but I think, educational time. Fifth, NOBODY cares about your needing acid blockers so stop talking about it and just take the stupid things quietly and privately. Go and see your doctor and get some Nexium. ...
and so on, yada, yada, yada. She's obviously in denial about her destructive behavior but I'm too polite to point it out.

UPDATE: Cosmo of Catholifarian takes my sister's side in the comments. I feel like I'm being ganged up on on my own blog.

Seriously, though, I hope everyone realizes that the post above is entirely a joke. I had a great time with my very young-at-heart sister and asked her to come back as soon as she could.

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