Sunday, August 22, 2004

my protest

I am outraged:

German men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.

The WC ghost, a £6 voice-alarm, reprimands men for standing at the lavatory pan. It is triggered when the seat is lifted.
(via Mostly Cajun)

Have they no shame? I mean the German men who let themselves be hounded this way. I mean, well, since it's supposed to shame them into peeing like women they must have shame or it wouldn't work... er...

Have they no dignity? Not that it's especially undignified to sit down but... er...

I'm outraged! This cannot be allowed to stand! Something must be done! Men cannot let the most personal and masculine part of their lives be dictated by women! What's next, will they tell us how to eat and how to dress? OK, they already do that, but are they going to prevent us from farting or picking the wax out of our ears in public? Well, they do that too.... er...

Someone has to stop this! It cannot be allowed to stand! I'm going to stage a protest to bring public attention to this vital issue. I'm going to go outside and pee against the wall. Don't worry, I'll hose it off afterward, but there's a principle here. I encourage all real men to emulate my protest. We'll show those women that they can't run our lives for us! I'm going to go do it right now. I'll post an update when the mission is accomplished.

UPDATE: Well, I'm afraid that I didn't plan well enough for the protest. I didn't actually have to go. I'm preparing for another assault on the wall at this very moment by drinking a Diet Coke. That carbonated caffeine goes right through me. And I had a large glass of water before drinking the Coke, just to be sure. I'll keep you updated.

UPDATE: OK! My teeth are practically floating! There's no stopping me now! I'm going to drench that wall like a fire hose. I'll update you on how it goes.

UPDATE: Bad news. A car drove by as I was unzipping. They couldn't see me where I was standing but I got stage fright anyway and couldn't perform. If I'd had a few more minutes I might have been able to do my duty, but I had to go real bad so I ran inside and used the usual facilities. But I did it standing up, darnit! I'm preparing for the next attempt with a more gradual strategy. The caffeine just creates a bit too much urgency. I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE: The team is about to attempt a third assault on the south wall. I haven't let circumstances go as far this time, so we can expect a less impressive dousing than we were anticipating before. Still, I expect a satisfactory performance. And in any case, it's really the principle that counts, not the volume.

UPDATE: I'm sorry to have to report another incidence of stage fright. There was a bird watching me. Besides, it was a bit cold and breezy. I guess I'm too used to doing this sort of thing in a climate-controlled atmosphere. Without an audience. I zipped up to have my hands free so I could throw a rock at the bird. Just to chase it away. I successfully chased off the interloper, but by then my ardor had cooled and frankly, I was beginning to doubt the significance of my protest.

I mean, how can I bring attention to the plight of hen-pecked German men with such a private activity? It's not like I'm going to invite a television crew to record the event. Talk about stage fright. And beside, why do I care about a bunch of weenies that would let women bully them into sitting down when they pee? Let them stage their own protest.

UPDATE: It turns out to be fortunate that my protest plans were frustrated. The article left out some important information that would have made my demonstration rather pointless.

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