Sunday, November 07, 2004

an open letter to Cameron Diaz

Dear Ms. Diaz, I've been unable to find your phone number so I'm attempting to contact you with this open letter. I'm sure you've been expecting something like this. You were obviously hinting at it when you said "Women have so much to lose. I mean, we could lose the right to our bodies. If you think that rape should be legal, then don't vote. But if you think that you have a right to your body, then you should vote."

Well, as you so greatly feared, George Bush has won the election and I regret to inform you that you have lost the rights to your body. In fact the knuckle-dragging set of the VRWC has held already held the auction. But in the midst of your despair I have some great news. The winner is none other than me, Doc Rampage! (I have to admit that I was a little surprised at this since my bid on you wasn't really serious. I put my serious money on Vanity.)

Please deliver your body to my place Saturday, around 7 pm for inspection. Wear something sexy and bring beer.

Thank you.

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