Wednesday, December 01, 2004

deep sigh

I put down my morning soda to open the blinds and take off my jacket. Then I forgot it and sat down. Now I'm sitting on the other side of the room, gazing forlornly at it and wishing it was over here so I could drink it.

Life is just hard some times.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

my business may be taking off

None of you probably recall my efforts to found an enterprise for the profitable exploitation of romance. The level of response was quite disappointing. However, I am excited to be able to report that I have finally received an order for one generic Simulated Squeeze(TM). Just to keep you all up to date on how the business is going, I reprint my reply to the perceptive and no-doubt beautiful young lady:
Dear Ms. ---

Thank you for your interest in our Simulated Squeeze(TM) product.I can't begin to express how excited we were to receive your email. It represents more than a 1000% increase in expressed customer interest. More importantly, it finally validates the days of effort and dollars of investment that were put into the Simulated Squeeze(TM) project.

Unfortunately, we had production geared up and ready to go at the time of the announcement but we were not able to reach our marketing goal, which was modestly set at one respondent. After the disappointing level of customer interest, the company officers made the difficult decision to put the project on hold until the economy had improved and the world culture had evolved to the point where our product might be more socially acceptable.

Now, as a result of this unexpected surge in customer interest, we are considering ramping up production again. If we do make the decision to go ahead with the project, we will promptly notify you of our decision.

Once again, we thank you for your interest.

Regards,
Doc Rampage
Vice President of Public Relations