Tuesday, September 27, 2005

is leftism a sleep disorder?

I have two large pieces of poster board taped to my windows to cut down on the morning light. One of them has become warped and pulled away from the window to create a bulge. Last night, just before I went to bed, I noticed it and almost started to repair it, but then decided to do it later.

That night, I woke up, suddenly realizing why the bulge was there. It wasn't just the effects of temperature and moisture, no. It was them. Yes, they had snuck into my room and cleverly made it look like normal warping so they could put some sort of device under it to spy on me.

I was about to get up and check under the poster board for the device when I remembered that I always wake up in the middle of the night with these paranoid fantasies and that in the morning they always seem silly. So, trusting my waking instincts, and motivated by innate laziness, I turned over and went back to sleep. Until I dropped off, I was continuously uncomfortable, as if I were being watched.

This morning, of course, the idea seems preposterous. Of course I'm being spied on. Just kidding. Of course I'm not being spied on. I wake up all the time, late at night, sure that I just saw someone (or something) walk through my room, or that I see the lens of a camera spying on me, or that something in the room is not as I left it, or that a shadow contains some sinister and dangerous secret. Then in the morning, I remember my paranoid delusions and they seem ridiculous.

Then I got to thinking how much this kind of thinking has in common with the paranoid delusions we see coming out of leftists today. Everything Bush does is viewed with suspicion. Forget why he says he did it, why did he really do it? Everything that happens that tends to discredit the leftist cause was somehow arranged by Rove. And there is a constant, unshakable axiom that no one could honestly and ethically disagree with their position. Anyone who differs with them is a lying reprobate.

Here is one example, although they are so easy to find that it seems pointless to provide it. Michelle Malkin links to someone on the Daily Kos who criticizes Cindy Sheehan, and the regular readers automatically assume that the critic must be an agent provocateur for Michelle Malkin because, gasp Malkin links to the comment!

Since this behavior is so similar to my own half-awake state, I wonder if leftists are only half-awake. Maybe they suffer from some sort of sleep disorder: insomnibilius leftus. Maybe Michael Moore just needs a good night's sleep. He could wake up thinking, "Hey! Those Islamists are out to kill us! What was I thinking, blaming my fellow Americans for everything?". Maybe Dan Rather just needs a vacation on a quiet beach somewhere. He could come back and tell people, "Man, if I had been fully awake I never would have published those documents; they were so obviously frauds. And I certainly wouldn't have blamed the people that pointed out that they were frauds. Sorry guys. My bad."

Maybe we should start a campaign, "nap time for the left". Anyone starts to talk about the latest Karl Rove conspiracy and we go, "Nap time! Nap time! Go lay down for an hour, you will feel a lot better when you get up, really."

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